Twins Cafe

Cory: Hey, did I ever tell you about the time Ryan and I developed an idea for a Minnesota Twins themed restaurant where all of the dishes are named after guys from the 1987 World Series team?

Paul: No, I don't think you told me about that. What are some of the dishes?

: One of the specialties is the Gary Spa-Gaetti with Meatballs.

Paul: That is one of the dumbest things I have ever heard in my life.

: I know, isn't it awesome? Hey Ryan, come here and tell Paul about the Twins Cafe.

Ryan: All of the alcoholic drinks would be served at the Steve LomBARdozzi.

Cory: Yeah, you could get a Randy Busch beer or a Randy Busch Light.

Ryan: We'd also serve a full line of Kent HrBECK's beer. If you'd like to order five bottles at once, just ask for the Kirby Buckett of beer. We'll also have a Kirby Buckett of chicken.

Paul: Will you have fish?

Ryan: Of course. Just order the Roy Smalleye.

Cory: My favorite sandwich is the BLTK -- bacon, lettuce, Tom Kelly.

Paul: How about a bowl of Rod Carutabagas?

Cory: Well, we wanted to stick with the '87 team.

Paul: Are you kidding? You'll miss out on all those great players like Harmon Killebrew, Jim Kaat, Tony Oliva, Zoilo Versalles ... you could have Zoilets in the rest rooms.

Cory: I suppose ... Tony Oliva Loaf sounds good.

Ryan: I'd like the Spicy Chili Davis.

Paul: Not to mention the Cesar Tovar Salad. And the Ron Gardenhire Salad. Either would be a nice side dish for a Carl Pohlad Sausage.

Cory: I'm kind of hungry for a Pepperjack Morris Cheeseburger.

Ryan: I could go for some Kevin Tapani Pasta.

Paul: You know what would be good with pasta? A nice glass of Butch WINEgar.

Cory: The only problem is that we don't have much of a breakfast menu.

Paul: Well, a nice breakfast side would be Mickey Hatcherbrowns.

Cory: That's kind of pushing it.

Ryan: Our Asian menu has Rob Wilfong-wong Chicken. There's no such thing as pushing it.

Cory: Then I guess we might as well have a Johan Santana Split for dessert.

: No ice cream for me. I'll have Rich Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

Paul Lundgren is a newspaper columnist and a very nice man. He thanks Cory Ahlm and Ryan Van Slooten for inspiring this week's idiocy and hopes the general public will someday forgive him. His e-mail address is paul @ geekprom.com.