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The Disappointment
When he made it home, he kicked off his shoes and went straight to the kitchen. There was a familiar shape under the oven light.
“Mmmm,” he said. “Someone’s baking banana bread.”
He walked over, opened the oven door, inhaled deeply, and leaned in for a closer look.
“Oh,” he said. “Someone’s baking a meatloaf.”
Sunrise at the Campground
Light breaks through the insect screen overhead. Dew runs down the sides of the tent. Birds begin singing and roosters begin crowing. Cigarette smokers begin hacking and spitting.
Kate’s Positive Attitude
Kate: Let’s play hockey.
Paul: We don’t have any equipment.
Kate: I have a hockey stick!
Paul: That’s broken.
Kate: Then we have TWO hockey sticks!
Depth-perception Etiquette
When walking past a stranger, it is considered normal and polite to say hello. From a distance greater than fifty feet, it is not.
Format Change
Jeff had been working with computers all day. It was nearly midnight when he got home. He was so tired, he headed straight to the bedroom, where his wife, Hannah, was already asleep. When he turned on the light, she opened her eyes.
Unfortunately, Jeff forgot he had changed the type style, or font, on his face to Times New Roman. Normally, he kept his face in Helvetica. Not recognizing him, Hannah assumed he was an intruder and screamed.
Jeff was trying to decide whether to explain the situation or change his facial font back to normal when Hannah threw her clock radio at him and his system crashed.
The Unfinished Sentence
The amount of pubic hair in the sink seemed to indicate
Paul Lundgren is a newspaper columnist and a very nice man. His book, “The Spowl Ribbon,” is available online at paullundgren.com.